It’s okay to not be okay. You’re allowed to feel like life is too hard. It’s okay to not want to get out of bed in the morning. You aren’t bad. Or irredeemable. Or ugly. You aren’t letting people down. It’s okay to be suicidal. However, it is not not okay to keep it to yourself. It isn’t okay to stay suicidal.
Talk to a friend, a trusted teacher, co-worker, parent, relative, or dog. (Side note, if you tell a dog, that is a good first step, but you must follow up with a human person.) If you don’t want to tell someone you know, call the suicide hotline (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255) or call a therapy office and make an appointment. Right now.
Your suicide will affect anyone and everyone who has ever known you. It will put them at risk. People are more likely to commit suicide after a family member or friend does it. You expose the people around you to anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
To this day I remember I remember the girl in my graduating class in college who killed herself. She was on the basketball team. She had nice hair, which was always worn in a ponytail, and she seemed really cool. I never met her, but when they made the announcement to our school, I thought of all of the times we passed in the hall, and I never said hello. I tried to remember if we ever had a class together. Even if it’s an acquaintance, your suicide will affect them. It will leave negative marks.
No one is an island. Someone has to find you and they’ll remember forever. Someone will have lost you, and they’ll feel that loss. Abrupt and raw.